2020 thoughts

 

2020, for me, as for many, has been a time of re-evaluation. I was working from home for a while and was cut off from my colleagues and the usual work I was doing, and I loved it. I started to think about how happier I was away from the stress of the office and I realised that I really no longer liked my job and having to come back to the office has been awful

I started looking for other jobs but at this difficult time there wasn’t a lot and so felt I should be grateful for the job that I have. Also I never knew what I wanted to do. The dream was to do something creative but there are no guarantees with that and I had no idea how to be self employed. It also seems like a big risk to quit your secure job and risk doing something on your own. I’m not a risky guy and value the security of a job I can get by doing (I didn’t hate it until recently, maybe the feeling will pass)

 

I have always reconciled doing my creative projects on the side, knowing I could never make a living from them but it hit me yesterday that in all of the jobs I have ever had, I have always snuck in doing creative work. I don’t mean I would approach the job in a creative way or try to make it creative somehow.

 

I am ashamed to admit it but I mean that I would do my own creative projects on work time, just doing a bit between tasks or phone calls. There will be periods when my work focus is renewed but I can’t keep away from doing my own thing.

 

I can’t see myself quitting my job to write, it feels very extreme. The best I can hope for at the moment is to make something of what I am creating and see where that leads. If it is out of this job into something creative that is mine then so be it. It’s in God’s hands

 

Maybe it is a bit of a cop out.